There is no free ipod
Note to self. There is no free ipod. I know that. I'm educated. I am not a sucker. But I have to confess, I did, just a little bit, out of curiousity, for research purposes, click on one of those links. Actually, it was a free ibook. Can you blame me? Plus, Marike needs a new computer! I was only looking for a way to surprise her! The free ipod came later, in a pop-up window.
Ok, so I wanted to know how it worked. I found out-- you get a page full of little radio buttons and they say just look at a couple of these valuable offers and you're get your free gift! Should have been suspicious red flag no. 1: they are talking about "free gift" and not the ibook. Hm. But they SAID free ibook earlier, so it must be in there somewhere. I clicked on. I started setting rules for myself: ok, if it's free, then I won't buy anything. I won't give out any credit card numbers. I won't apply for any credit cards. The game became all about find the most innocuous "offers" that I can complete and get the ibook. How could I have known that in a matter of days I would have plunged my family into telemarketing hell and I would be a glass-eyed zombie, authorizing credit checks to strangers?
Turns out the most innoucuous offers seemed to be refinancing companies. I thought what the heck, I'll let them give me a quote. Maybe we can fold our home equity loan into our mortgage and make debt management a little less complicated. Before long, though, I was getting the same pages over and over again, and these little entreaties about "just click on TWO MORE offers and get your free gift." I figured out that the free stuff is like a special award for having a superhuman capacity for patience and not getting annoyed. Kind of like those "rebates" at office supply stores.
Well, whatever that capacity is, I don't have it. I gave up and figured we could start a new pennies jar for the ibook (though progress is not exactly speedy in the espresso machine penny jar. Still, slow and steady wins the race). I had very carefully given out only a useless email address, so I figured this little adventure was over. Far from it.
We got on the no-call list right when it was announced a few years ago, so it's been plenty annoying those few times we've gotten calls about student loan consolidation or the ones with the heavily South-Asian-accented "Hello, this is Sarah... Franklin." We had no idea how post-telemarketing we actually were, though. Now, after my little internet safari, the refinance people are positively swarming. The thing is, they know exactly how to appeal to the same gene or personality defect as the free ibook ad-- I listened, and provided information! What am I, an idiot? Thoughts like "Well, maybe a cash-out isn't such a bad idea... We probably have more equity than we realize... We DESERVE to have more equity than we do..."
The first guy to come back with an actual quote offered me a rate a couple of points higher than our current one. I took to telling people right out "No, we're no longer interested, because it looks like a refinance just won't be worth it." For inexplicable reasons, certain callers got through to me, though, and I let them do the numbers.
So, this morning, I got a quote from a guy at Continental Lending. It sounded pretty good: the rate was fixed and lower than our current mortgage. Our monthly payments would be like $200 less, and the only out-of-pocket expense was a $350 appraisal. I was on the verge of being sold. But it was strange that the overall loan amount seemed higher than what we needed. I asked him to break it down. He said, very clearly, but verrrry quickly, something like "The rest of that is 11,000 in closing costs and fees."
Squeeze me? 11,000 American dollars? How many ibooks is that? This is for a refinance, not a new home purchase, mind you. I somehow managed to change personalities and become the no-nonsense, show-me, midwestern, used-car-buying version of myself. He asked me if we could get the paperwork moving. I said I had to think about whether it was worth 11,000 to get a lower monthly payment. He said, "Just focus on the fact that right now, you are paying $200 less a month, with a lower rate." What is this, hypnosis? I was focusing on the 11 Gs he thought he could slip onto my bill.
After we hung up cordially, I did a more appropriate kind of surfing around and basically decided that this was a scam, according to sites like the mortgage professor. I pulled out the calculator and figured out that I could pay off the closing costs with my $200 savings in about 50 years. So that would not exactly be a free ipod. Still, I was willing to just let it go until the next call.
The next caller let me know that I apparently clicked some other debt consolidation link. I mumbled that I had been considering a refinance, but had decided not to. He says "Well, we also have a refi department, do you want me to transfer you?" I said no, I had just mentioned that I decided not to do it. Like he didn't hear me: "But refinancing is something we do. Shall I put you through to them?" No, dude. I explained again. His response: "Ok, have fun jeopardizing your home." Click.
What? Are you kidding me? I was ready to *69 him and say "LOOK, buddy, you don't hang up on me! I hang up on you!" I restrained myself because I am at work, and plus there's probably some thing about how if you call them they can call you back for all time. But that is why I decided to post the story here. I mean, go ahead and try to scam me out of $11,000, but don't be RUDE about it!
OK, so repeat after me. There is no free ipod. There is no free ibook.
But if you get one, let me know how you did it.
Let's get this onto google:
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Ok, so I wanted to know how it worked. I found out-- you get a page full of little radio buttons and they say just look at a couple of these valuable offers and you're get your free gift! Should have been suspicious red flag no. 1: they are talking about "free gift" and not the ibook. Hm. But they SAID free ibook earlier, so it must be in there somewhere. I clicked on. I started setting rules for myself: ok, if it's free, then I won't buy anything. I won't give out any credit card numbers. I won't apply for any credit cards. The game became all about find the most innocuous "offers" that I can complete and get the ibook. How could I have known that in a matter of days I would have plunged my family into telemarketing hell and I would be a glass-eyed zombie, authorizing credit checks to strangers?
Turns out the most innoucuous offers seemed to be refinancing companies. I thought what the heck, I'll let them give me a quote. Maybe we can fold our home equity loan into our mortgage and make debt management a little less complicated. Before long, though, I was getting the same pages over and over again, and these little entreaties about "just click on TWO MORE offers and get your free gift." I figured out that the free stuff is like a special award for having a superhuman capacity for patience and not getting annoyed. Kind of like those "rebates" at office supply stores.
Well, whatever that capacity is, I don't have it. I gave up and figured we could start a new pennies jar for the ibook (though progress is not exactly speedy in the espresso machine penny jar. Still, slow and steady wins the race). I had very carefully given out only a useless email address, so I figured this little adventure was over. Far from it.
We got on the no-call list right when it was announced a few years ago, so it's been plenty annoying those few times we've gotten calls about student loan consolidation or the ones with the heavily South-Asian-accented "Hello, this is Sarah... Franklin." We had no idea how post-telemarketing we actually were, though. Now, after my little internet safari, the refinance people are positively swarming. The thing is, they know exactly how to appeal to the same gene or personality defect as the free ibook ad-- I listened, and provided information! What am I, an idiot? Thoughts like "Well, maybe a cash-out isn't such a bad idea... We probably have more equity than we realize... We DESERVE to have more equity than we do..."
The first guy to come back with an actual quote offered me a rate a couple of points higher than our current one. I took to telling people right out "No, we're no longer interested, because it looks like a refinance just won't be worth it." For inexplicable reasons, certain callers got through to me, though, and I let them do the numbers.
So, this morning, I got a quote from a guy at Continental Lending. It sounded pretty good: the rate was fixed and lower than our current mortgage. Our monthly payments would be like $200 less, and the only out-of-pocket expense was a $350 appraisal. I was on the verge of being sold. But it was strange that the overall loan amount seemed higher than what we needed. I asked him to break it down. He said, very clearly, but verrrry quickly, something like "The rest of that is 11,000 in closing costs and fees."
Squeeze me? 11,000 American dollars? How many ibooks is that? This is for a refinance, not a new home purchase, mind you. I somehow managed to change personalities and become the no-nonsense, show-me, midwestern, used-car-buying version of myself. He asked me if we could get the paperwork moving. I said I had to think about whether it was worth 11,000 to get a lower monthly payment. He said, "Just focus on the fact that right now, you are paying $200 less a month, with a lower rate." What is this, hypnosis? I was focusing on the 11 Gs he thought he could slip onto my bill.
After we hung up cordially, I did a more appropriate kind of surfing around and basically decided that this was a scam, according to sites like the mortgage professor. I pulled out the calculator and figured out that I could pay off the closing costs with my $200 savings in about 50 years. So that would not exactly be a free ipod. Still, I was willing to just let it go until the next call.
The next caller let me know that I apparently clicked some other debt consolidation link. I mumbled that I had been considering a refinance, but had decided not to. He says "Well, we also have a refi department, do you want me to transfer you?" I said no, I had just mentioned that I decided not to do it. Like he didn't hear me: "But refinancing is something we do. Shall I put you through to them?" No, dude. I explained again. His response: "Ok, have fun jeopardizing your home." Click.
What? Are you kidding me? I was ready to *69 him and say "LOOK, buddy, you don't hang up on me! I hang up on you!" I restrained myself because I am at work, and plus there's probably some thing about how if you call them they can call you back for all time. But that is why I decided to post the story here. I mean, go ahead and try to scam me out of $11,000, but don't be RUDE about it!
OK, so repeat after me. There is no free ipod. There is no free ibook.
But if you get one, let me know how you did it.
Let's get this onto google:
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posted by cultcrit at 12:13 PM
2 Comments:
see what I mean? They don't listen!
#1:
That's not how googlebombing works, Dr. Chappell.
#2: There *is* a Free iPod, but you have to jump through hoops to get it. It's not worth it for a sub-par iTunes player with the white "mug-me" headphones. If you want a quality MP3 player, they can be had for far cheaper. (I got mine for 35 bucks, brand new)
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